stay-at-home mom envy

I have stay-at-home mom envy! Yes there I said it, now I can get past this and move on with my life or not. I hate the fact that I HAVE to work. I WANT more than anything to stay-home and raise my daughter. I am so pissed that I HAVE to miss milestones that are rightfully mine. I even have some anger towards my husband because he doesn’t make enough to allow me to be a stay-at-home mom. What I do love is my job. It’s very rewarding ‘most’ days. I do love that I know I could take care of my family should anything ever happen to my husband. I love that my daughter will grow up with “educated”parents which statistically will mean she herself with also become educated. But other than that I feel like I got the raw end of the deal. By this I mean, in some families it doesn’t make sense for the wife to work because of the cost of child care comparatively with her prospective income. So because I can make a decent income I am expected to work…blah So for the last 9 months I have been secretly been hating/envying SAHM’s. I don’t care if its wrong, its natural for me to want to be there and take care of my kid. So I will continue with my hate/envy until I feel like giving it up. Thanks for understanding or not, I really don’t care : )

blessed is this day

Unlike most jobs I am always getting reminded about how blessed we are to have a beautiful, healthy little girl and yesterday was particularly difficult. I think it is both a blessing and a burden to always be reminded that tomorrow is not promised to anyone, but to think of tomorrow without my daughter is impossible. For me tomorrow would not exist without her. I would not exist without her. So today I put in writing what I tell my sweet girl every day.

Brielle,
I love you so much no words could ever really describe what you mean to me. I am so thankful to God for every day that you are in my life. I pray constantly for your safety and health. I ask for guidance so that we might be able to raise you to be a productive adult that knows how much you are loved and knows how to love back. You are amazing, you laughter is my heartbeat. Your smile is my sunshine. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on. I hope that there is never a day with you that I take for granted.

Love,

Mommy

Mother?

What makes you a mother? Just because you gave birth? I think not. A mother devotes her life from the moment she knows she is pregnant to do whatever necessary to prioritize her child. For some it comes natural, for others it’s a little more work. I understand that. But what I don’t understand is how you can do drugs while you are pregnant? How can you snort a line with your huge belly in the way? Ugh! Okay so your addicted, fine go get an abortion (I don’t believe in abortions personally  but if your going to hurt your child then it’s probably in the best interest of the Child) or better yet check yourself into rehab!

In the NICU we see too many drug abusing “mothers”.  It also seems to go hand and hand with little or no prenatal care. Most of the time I just curse them in my head and pray they make better decisions from that point on for their child.  But recently a “mother” really pissed me off. She said that she wanted “everything done” to save her baby! Okay so this sounds natural for a mother to say except in this circumstance this ” mother” tested positive for street drugs at the time she came in in labor, these drugs are out of your system in about 72 hours, these drugs can cause a woman to go into premature labor, these drugs are why her child is fighting for it’s life at the youngest we resuscitate! The baby is so tiny that it’s skin is burned by our tiny monitor leads. The child has a 10% chance of survival and of that 10% about 90% have severe neurological deficits! And this doesn’t even begin to paint the picture of the torture a 23 weeker goes through. Point being you want everything done why didn’t you think about that before you snorted that line?