10 months

Bri Bri,

My dearest daughter, this is a hard blog to write. I am so excited to blog about your turning 10 months old but this has been the most trying month of your momma’s life. Not because of you, your amazing! Because your daddy and I can’t seem to make our marriage work. I am not going into details but we are moving out of our house and moving in with Grandma, Aunt Jamie, Victoria and Nickolas. You seem to be oblivious to all of the changes. I just want to make sure you are happy and healthy and I really think I am making the best choice for us. So anyways heres whats been going on with you over the last months ; )

-You are an amazingly fast crawler. You follow me everywhere and I love it.

-You are into EVERYTHING! I swear I have to save your life at least 3 times a day. Your very determined to get yourself killed. Your fascination with plug outlets, every piece of “something” you find on the floor, pretty much anything you can find that might be dangerous you seem to find…you keep me busy ; )

-You are still wearing size 12 months, although some of the pants have gotten too short.

-Your shoe size is still 3

-You still love the same foods and really like to drink out of a juice box.

-You have started to be selective of people, you either cry or flirt. Not sure how you determine whom you’re going to like but you probably get your judge of character from your mom, I think I am a pretty good judge of character ; )

-You seem to be taking to your car seat better but I’ve been using the Ipad as a portable DVD player with or course “Yo Gabba Gabba” playing while we drive anywhere.

-You try to climb on stuff, which is another one of your self-destructive new traits ; )

-Your favorite toys are not toys but my keys right now. I actually just give you the second set so that you will be content.

This morning before I left, you had woken up so I tried to nurse you back to sleep and you tangled your sweet little fingers in my hair and had your legs on top of me. I hated to leave you. You love me and I love you. You make my life so happy. I love you so much my sweet baby girl.

Love,

Mommy

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stay-at-home mom envy

I have stay-at-home mom envy! Yes there I said it, now I can get past this and move on with my life or not. I hate the fact that I HAVE to work. I WANT more than anything to stay-home and raise my daughter. I am so pissed that I HAVE to miss milestones that are rightfully mine. I even have some anger towards my husband because he doesn’t make enough to allow me to be a stay-at-home mom. What I do love is my job. It’s very rewarding ‘most’ days. I do love that I know I could take care of my family should anything ever happen to my husband. I love that my daughter will grow up with “educated”parents which statistically will mean she herself with also become educated. But other than that I feel like I got the raw end of the deal. By this I mean, in some families it doesn’t make sense for the wife to work because of the cost of child care comparatively with her prospective income. So because I can make a decent income I am expected to work…blah So for the last 9 months I have been secretly been hating/envying SAHM’s. I don’t care if its wrong, its natural for me to want to be there and take care of my kid. So I will continue with my hate/envy until I feel like giving it up. Thanks for understanding or not, I really don’t care : )

blessed is this day

Unlike most jobs I am always getting reminded about how blessed we are to have a beautiful, healthy little girl and yesterday was particularly difficult. I think it is both a blessing and a burden to always be reminded that tomorrow is not promised to anyone, but to think of tomorrow without my daughter is impossible. For me tomorrow would not exist without her. I would not exist without her. So today I put in writing what I tell my sweet girl every day.

Brielle,
I love you so much no words could ever really describe what you mean to me. I am so thankful to God for every day that you are in my life. I pray constantly for your safety and health. I ask for guidance so that we might be able to raise you to be a productive adult that knows how much you are loved and knows how to love back. You are amazing, you laughter is my heartbeat. Your smile is my sunshine. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on. I hope that there is never a day with you that I take for granted.

Love,

Mommy